The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
