I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
