Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
