her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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