Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
