I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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