I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
