LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
