i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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