I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
