got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
