Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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