Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Actions speak louder than pants.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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