i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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