At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
