When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
