Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
