Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
