We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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