What did we do last night that was yellow?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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