my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
