somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
