My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
