awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
