If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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