i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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