bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This baby is an asshole
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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