I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
