Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
