are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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