In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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