Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
