I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
