Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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