i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
