This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
