I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
