I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
pop tarts are not kleenex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is my gift to your gina
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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