I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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