FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
