It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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