i think i have herpe
just one?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
