It's like God shit irony all over that family
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
