mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
