How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
