No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
