Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
