I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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