Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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