So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
