can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
