Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
