Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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