I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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